All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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