I can text with my tongue
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
