You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
