aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
