I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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