come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
