I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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