he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
