I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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