I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
