Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
