he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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