did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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