Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
