i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
