You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
