is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize