i may or may not be watching the land before time
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
