According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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