Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
