When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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