you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
