She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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