Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
