i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
