if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
