On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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