I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
