she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
