I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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