So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
