Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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