Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
