You can't special order awesome
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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