i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
