I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
