I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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