She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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