One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
