This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
