Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
