There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
