Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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