There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
