he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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