This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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