she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
