guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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