Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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