I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
