Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
