I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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