you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
