you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
