I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
