I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
