Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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