I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
