If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
