I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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