Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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