Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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