I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
