The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
