....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
