I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
