just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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