So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
